Boyfriend: The only reason that girls like superhero movies is that they enjoy looking at buff, shirtless men.
Me: Well, that's not the only reason. The only reason guys like any movie is because stuff explodes.
Boyfriend: ....
Me: ....
Boyfriend: Juice box?
Me: Absolutely.
Of course, the above is a highly fictionalized conversation between my boyfriend and myself. The reason why this conversation is highly fictionalized is because I don't have a boyfriend. Because the men I meet smell like bacon, which might be appealing if they didn't act like pigs and look like Richard Simmons (and they do like him, right down to their fashion choices). Aside from that little tangent, I have actually had conversations like this with my male friends - or male-like friends, okay, so they might be manly women. Kidding! I really do have male friends and we really have had conversations about why girls like superheroes.
So, onto the question that has clearly been perplexing your brains since you began to read this post: Why do girls love superheroes? Also, another question that might have been occupying your brain: Why does this matter? Well, the reasons that girls like superheroes are also the reasons that boys should be like superheroes. Now, gentlemen, you may be feeling upset and thinking: We can never be like superheroes! Those abs are almost entirely impossible to get, and no one, in reality, looks that good in spandex. (This, of course, is ridiculous. Lots of people look good in spandex, just no one that I know personally). Let me assure you that, as you read this, you will feel more able to become a superhero and get the girl. Ladies, for your benefit, the following explanation will help your significant other, or your parents, or your dog, or your imaginary friend, understand why you absolutely must see the next superhero movie.
And here they are, the reasons that girls love superheroes and why boys should be more like them:
5. Superheroes are hot. Okay. It's shallow. Suck it up, boys. And girls, admit it, part of the reason that we go to superhero movies is because they are good looking. Now, I'm not saying that boys should look like superheroes, but it wouldn't hurt you to work out. If you're expecting a girl who looks like a Victoria's Secret model to like you, you should, at the very least, look like Captain America (even if it is pre-superhero serum), be well-groomed and polite. Also, more boys should be attractive. I realize the laws of genetics are against me, but I still hope. In spite of the fact that the last boy I went on a date with resembled a white version of Steve Erkle with an overbite, and, of course, a slight aroma of bacon, I still hope.
4. Superheroes are selfless. Let's be honest. Girls love a guy who is willing to give more than to take. It's something that tells us that your brain functions on a higher level, which means that it functions in the area above your belt. Even Iron Man, as selfish as he is, is willing to sacrifice his own life to save others. That is awesome. Guys, be like that. Sacrifice your fishing trip, your night with the boys, your football game, whatever, just once, to do something for someone in your life. Then, don't bring it up to show that you're a great guy. Why? Because if you have to bring it up, you must have done something that is super jerky and you're going to need to look like Robert Downey Jr. and have his paycheck in order for it to be okay and something that we will never speak about again.
3. Superheroes fight for a higher cause. Same idea as number 2. Girls really do like the idea that you have something in your life outside of her because it means that you have interests that we can talk about. That, and it gives us something to tell you to go do when you're driving us absolutely up the wall. Basically, that's it.
2. Superheroes are noble humans who have flaws but try to rise above them. Alright, girls know that we aren't dating a perfect person. Shocking, I know. In fact, gentlemen, this might come as a surprise, but we probably know your flaws before we start dating you. And yet, we still date you. Why? Beats me. Just kidding! But, seriously, we date you because we see that you can become something better. If you're trying to be better, we are happy. We are also perfect. And don't say otherwise. Or, if you do say otherwise, have chocolate and then run away quickly.
1. Superheroes fight for the girl. Girls love the idea that we're worth fighting for. We're like that. Guys, be like this because if you don't fight for the girl, she feels like she isn't worth your time. If we don't feel like we are worth your time, we will make sure that we take up your time. Translation: We will get whiny and vengeful. Guys, let me tell you a secret about girls: We're a little crazy. We don't "get over it"...we get even. *Dramatic music* Seriously though, girls can hold a grudge. One of my friends still remembers the time that I stole her cupcake from her lunch...in pre-school...and she still holds it over me.
That's why girls love superheroes. And, of course, that's why boys should be more like them. Then again, I have met some guys who are like superheroes. Granted, they may be more like Captain Marvel, the superhero that nobody really knows about and that, at the core, is ultimately super lame, and that really wants to be recognized, but comes off as the dork who gets shoved in his locker on a daily basis, but, hey, at least it's some kind of superhero. It could be worse. I suppose boys could be more like super villains. As it is, most of them are like the guy in the movies who is randomly walking down the street and runs away shrieking when the aliens descend from the sky. That's okay. I guess. I'm kind of like the girl who serves Iron Man's coffee. Awesome, but unnoticed.
